Cooking: Faux Sausage

This is another work in progress, but as it is, it's surprisingly good.

I had this one lonely portobello mushroom cap that didn't make it into the Slow Cooker Vegetable Lasagna, so I got to thinking how I could make it taste sort of like breakfast sausage.  The process was definitely "kitchen alchemy".  I knew the earthy sort of taste that a portobello has and tried finding spices in the pantry (by smelling them) that would give it a sort of sausage taste.

In truth, it's more of a fried, breaded mushroom.  But it's not bad.

What you need:
1 cleaned portobello mushroom cap, stem removed, and cut into quarters
flour
ground sage
ground cumin
garlic powder
Olive oil

In a shallow plate, mix together your flour, sage, cumin, and garlic powders.  How much you need depends on the size of the mushroom cap.  And you might want more spices in your flour mix.

In another shallow dish, pour a little olive oil, enough to cover the bottom.  Dip all sides of one piece of mushroom in the olive oil, adding more if necessary.

Dip all sides of the oiled mushroom into the flour mixture.  Place the piece in a skillet, and do the other three pieces the same way.

Brown the mushroom on all four flat-ish sides.  When you're on the fourth side (I'd finish up on either the gill or top side), place a lid on the skillet and continue cooking until fork-tender.  Blot excess oil out with paper towels.  Serve hot.

I'm out of ground mustard, and I think this recipe could use it.  I also should have probably included something like brown sugar in the flour mixture, although maple syrup may work.

What stunned me was that the mushroom pieces had the look of a sausage patty when done, and almost the texture.  Although I could taste the flour, the seasonings worked fairly well with it.

Cooking: Slow Cooker Vegetable Lasagna

I remember a friend telling me about veggie lasagna.  I tried it years ago, but last night, I decided to make it in the slow cooker.  This was the result.

What you'll need:
1 large Italian squash, thin julienne
4 large carrots, thin julienne
15 oz ricotta cheese
16 oz box lasagna noodles
32 oz. tomato sauce
Parsley, Rosemary, thyme, basil, oregano, Italian seasoning, pepper -- to taste
1 large Portobello mushroom, chopped
1 small onion, chopped
2 Tbsp. garlic, minced
4 packets Turbinado (raw) sugar (optional)
Mozzarella cheese, shredded
Olive oil

Rub (or spray) olive oil on the bottom and sides of the slow cooker.

Mix the mushroom into the sauce with the seasonings and the garlic.  Put 1/3 of the sauce on the bottom of the slow cooker.

Break 1/3 of the noodles onto the pasta sauce.  Now add half of the squash, carrots, and onion.

Spread a layer of ricotta cheese, using half of it.  Break another third of the lasagna noodles on top of this layer.

Spread 1/3 of the sauce on top of the noodles.  Put the rest of the vegetables on top, followed by another layer of ricotta, spread out as good as you can get it.  Top with the last of the lasagna noodles, broken up.

Top with the last of the sauce.

Put the lid on top and set the slow cooker for 6 hours on high.  After 3 hours, give it a stir.  This will permit the top noodles a chance to absorb enough moisture to cook properly.

When it's done, put Mozzarella shreds on top, put the lid back on, and allow the cheese to melt.

Serve and enjoy.

Cooking: Strawberry Yogurt Pancakes

Okay, I got to make my Strawberry Banana Protein Shake, but that leaves me with another three strawberry yogurt containers.  So I got to thinking about it and saw no reason why I couldn't make pancakes with yogurt.  I know it looks like an ordinary pancake, but I swear there are bits of strawberry lurking inside.

What you'll need:
1 6 oz. container of strawberry yogurt
2 cups self-rising flour
1/4 tsp. salt
2 packets of turbinado (raw) sugar
1/2 cup milk
Cooking spray

Spray a skillet with cooking spray.

In a large bowl, blend the ingredients.

Pour your first pancake.  When the edges look firm, flip it.  When this one is done, spray your pan and repeat these last two steps until you're out of batter.

My batch made four pancakes.  They turned out just right.

Cooking: Strawberry Banana Protein Shake

Here we go again with the tofu.  :-P  But hey, I used some yogurt in it, at least.  And yes, I am a Starbucks fanatic. This stuff comes out incredibly thick.  Bring a spoon.

What you'll need:
1 6 oz. container of strawberry yogurt
1 brick soft tofu
1 medium banana, broken into chunks by hand
1 tsp. honey

Place everything in the blender.  Put it on "liquefy".  Scrape down the sides.  "Liquefy" again.  Scrape.  "Liquefy".  Now it's ready to serve.

Cooking: Chicken Pepper Stir-Fry

I started this thinking I was going to make a breakfast scramble.  But by the time I had the veggies sauteing, I couldn't resist making it a stir-fry instead.

What you'll need:
12.5 oz can of chicken, with liquid
1/2 cup each: green, red, yellow, and orange bell peppers, chopped
2 cups white mushrooms, sliced
1 tsp. cornstarch
crushed red pepper flakes, soy sauce, teriyaki sauce -- to taste
2 Tbsp. olive oil
1 package of Rice-a-Roni Long Grain and Wild Rice

In a pot, prepare rice per directions, or substitute olive oil for the butter/margarine.

Put olive oil in skillet.  Place vegetables in skillet, coat, and saute on medium heat until soft.

Add chicken, breaking up larger chunks.  Throw in cornstarch and seasonings, blend well.

Serve chicken mixture on top of a bed of rice.  There should be enough for two servings.

Cooking: Butterfinger Protein Shake

This is an "eyes roll back into head" tasty recipe.  It was so good this morning, that I told my friend my new "If I won the lottery, the crazy thing I would do would be..." idea.  That idea?  To bathe in this drink.

What you need:
1 brick of soft tofu, drained
2 2.1 oz. Butterfinger candy bars

Throw the ingredients into the blender and hit "grind".  Scrape down the sides, and hit "liquefy" to really get it mixed well.  Pour and serve.  Melt into candy bar coma.

Cooking: Yummy Mushroom Personal Pizzas

This is a spin on an Atkin's recipe I found when I was in the hospital earlier in October 2013.  It was fairly simple: use a portobello mushroom cap as the "pizza crust" and top with whatever toppings you desired.

Well, here's my version.

What you need:
1 Portobello mushroom cap, stem removed
1 small jar of pizza sauce
1 Tbsp. onion, coarsely chopped
1 Tbsp. green bell pepper, diced
Turkey pepperoni
Mozarella cheese, shredded
1 Tbsp. garlic, minced
Olive oil
Season to taste: black pepper, rosemary, thyme leaves, Italian seasoning, oregano, basil, sucralose (optional)

First, take a damp cloth/paper towel to clean off the mushroom caps.  Remove the stems, but save them to throw back into your sauce.

Brush the mushroom caps down with olive oil.  Place on a cookie sheet or in a skillet that can handle high heat.

Cook mushroom caps at 425 degrees Fahrenheit until the caps feel tender when poked with a fork.

Meanwhile, work on the sauce.  Empty the jar of sauce, add the garlic and seasonings.  *You can omit the sucralose or use some other kind of sweetener.  It all depends on whether you want to cut the acidity of the sauce or not.  I prefer the acidity cut, so I use sweetener.  Chop up the mushroom stems and place that into the sauce too.

Get your other toppings ready.

When the caps are tender, remove them from the oven, top with sauce (as thick as you like), add cheese, add toppings, and if you like more cheese, add more to the top of the other toppings.

Broil the pizza until the cheese on top is nice and toasty.

It amazed me just how utterly delicious these were.  I made two, and that was enough for me.  But given that the directions are for just one mushroom cap, you can adjust it to serve more people.

You don't have to use the toppings I used.  Anything that pairs well with mushrooms can be used.  Just remember you're dealing with a small area, so throwing a T-bone steak on that mushroom cap probably won't work.